too bad you live with your parents still
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
