Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
