Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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