Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
