nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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