Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
