3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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