Just mADE A PArabola og urine
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
