where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
