overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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