I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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