Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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