I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
