We won't sleep together?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
