I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
