I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
