P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
