he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
