So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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