i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
