i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Someone signed my nipple.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
