FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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