put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
