Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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