ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
soo... how was my night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
