If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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