I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
