My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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