Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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