Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
