Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
