Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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