theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
