when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
