Betty ford says i'm here all night
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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