i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
