Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
