I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
