she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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