my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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