I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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