Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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