Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
