Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
