The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
