I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
