So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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