Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
