so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am available for nakedness
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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