But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I heard we made out
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You ate ashes out of my bong
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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