tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can I color on your dick again?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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