Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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