i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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